Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
