well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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