i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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