I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
