i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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