Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
