Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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