What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
