Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
