If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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