$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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