I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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