I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
