dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
