You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
