It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
