So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
