Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
