so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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