Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We left an ass print on the piano.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
