my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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