apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
