oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
