He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
