He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
