I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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