bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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