dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
