She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
