Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
