I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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