Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
