you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
