HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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