FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
