you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
