your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
