I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
