I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
