Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
