Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
