The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
