Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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