I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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