When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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