We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
