woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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