The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize