I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is the high leading the old right now
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize