just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
