hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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