it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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