You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
