It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
