nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
