what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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