He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
