How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
