I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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