he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
