I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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