...so i touched it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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