Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
