i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
