i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yo dont text me then not text me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
