If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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