he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
