3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
