8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
