so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize