I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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