We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
