Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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