she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
