apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
