he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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