i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
