i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
