I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
