I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
