thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
