Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
