i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
