I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
