Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
