You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
