I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
