conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
