My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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