Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
