he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
