If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
