I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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