We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
