Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
