She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
