it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
