i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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