If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
