Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
